When negotiating, do you react more strongly to a conciliatory move or a competitive one?
Most people, when negotiating, retaliate against selfishness more than they reward generosity. This is true even if the apparently selfish move is not what it seems.
This explains why conflicts can escalate so rapidly and unexpectedly. People often retaliate against even perceived slights, in a disproportionate way when compared to how they reward positive moves. These often wrong judgements lead to increasing retaliation as the negotiation progresses.
This theory has been tested in various studies over the years. For instance, in a recent study, some people were given $100 and others were given nothing. Those with $100 had $30 taken away from them; while those with nothing were given $50. Even though the people in the first group were in fact treated more generously, they felt as though they had been treated worse. As a result, they went on to treat the people in the next “round” of the study even more selfishly.
What does this tell us? If you feel you have been handed a raw deal, say so before deciding to retaliate. It may be just a misunderstanding. And if you are the instigator of the unfair deal, you may have to work a lot harder to make the situation right again.
