I recently returned from spending a week in Denver at the AFCC 47th annual conference. It was my first AFCC conference. In many ways, it had the significant new moments that mark any first occasion. But to me what was most significant about this conference is how it made me reflect on the role mediation played in my household as a child. And – something that was lost on me at the time – the wisdom that is required to be effective at creating consensus out of conflict.
The trip started with my dad patiently waiting in the driveway to take me to the airport at the bright and early hour of 5am. He’s not a man of many words. It is not unheard for us to travel many hours without a word exchanged. After I explained what AFCC is all about and my role as a mediator, he asked with a puzzled look, “So, people actually get paid to do that?”
You see, my dad is one of the first Korean immigrants to arrive in Canada – a true pioneer. But it is not his time of arrival that makes him a pioneer in the Korean community but his involvement in the community. During my childhood, our living room became the hub of community meetings and mediation sessions. Whether they were families in conflict or an upset community member who feels misunderstood, there sat my parents facilitating discussions and finding a way to work things out.
I recall one day, a woman who was in conflict with her husband, sat on our back porch while my parents met with her husband in the living room – this was a true old-fashioned “caucus”. She leaned over to me and said, “Your parents are very wise”. Although I can appreciate that observation now, as a kid, my parents were just being parents and wise was not a description I would have bestowed on them.
My sister and I were exposed to late meetings, often filled with high emotions and lots of tea. Most cases, the meetings would end with tears and hugs and closing words of wisdom.
Looking from the lens of my dad, his question makes a lot of sense. Here is a man who has dedicated his life to building a community. As someone who is respected and wise, people would naturally come to him to help solve their issues. This idea seems so basic and organic when viewed in this way.
I sit in the AFCC plenary session, surrounded by hundreds of people, who have numerous letters behind each name indicating their level of education and indicating their competence and expertise. I realize in many ways, this collaborative approach is like a big powwow of community members help
people live their lives with dignity and to build a sense of community.
As I listen to Hon. Emile R. Kruzik’s closing speech, filled with emotion and gratitude, I realized that being the President of AFCC is not just about leading an organization but it’s about trying to do what my parents have done for decades. I am surrounded by people who are “carriers of wisdom” trying to find the ways to colleagues, mentors and friends and a sense of community and renewed energy into the important work we do.
To my father’s question, I respond, “Yes, dad. We get paid. It’s hard work.” He kept his eyes on the road and responded with a quiet “hmmm”.
I already know that Christine is wise beyond her years. Now I see where that comes from.