By Hilary Linton
It is common for one or even both parties to a mediation to have conflicted feelings about their separation. A degree of ambivalence and confusion is normal.
Sometimes, one person’s real goal is to reconcile. In such cases, the first issue the parties need to talk about is whether reconciliation is “on the table”. If both parties feel that it is worth pursuing, the mediator should adjourn the mediation and send them to a couples counsellor. If one of the parties is not willing to talk about reconciliation, then it cannot be an agenda item for the mediation process.
By the time most people call a mediator, they have already agreed to separate. Indeed, many have been to counselling and feel that they have done all they can to try to salvage the relationship. They are usually ready to move forward in their lives.
Even so, it is not uncommon for one or both to want to keep the “door open” to a possible reconciliation down the road. Although mediation is not couples counselling, the process tends to build the good will, patience, understanding and personal affection that is required to rebuild a broken relationship.
It is rare that parties entering mediation exit the process as a couple again. But it does happen, sometimes when the parties themselves least expect it. Mediation is a fluid and powerful process that can produce unexpected outcomes.
