{"id":3572,"date":"2011-01-21T14:58:53","date_gmt":"2011-01-21T18:58:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.riverdalemediation.com\/?p=3572"},"modified":"2017-08-29T16:07:42","modified_gmt":"2017-08-29T20:07:42","slug":"to-engage-or-disengage-parenting-coordination-and-parallel-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.riverdalemediation.com\/news-resources\/blog\/to-engage-or-disengage-parenting-coordination-and-parallel-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"To engage or disengage? Parenting coordination and \u201cparallel parenting\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

As a PC it is tempting to believe that, if I just try hard enough, I can change the way parents interact when it comes to their children.\u00a0 \u00a0I\u2019ve tried it often enough.<\/p>\n

First, I explain to parents the negative impact of their behaviour on the kids, and work with them to develop a more cooperative way of interacting.\u00a0 I would fall into the trap of thinking that, with all my skill, wisdom and experience, I could get the parents to cooperate with each other.<\/p>\n

But instead, what I usually got were increasingly intransigent arguments from each parent why he or she right and the other is wrong.\u00a0 It is at this point that I remember:\u00a0 sometimes, parent \u201cengagement\u201d is not the best approach.<\/p>\n

In fact, disengagement is what makes some these parents function as effective co-parents. For many of these parents, engaging each other results in conflict, so naturally, disengagement would mean less conflict.<\/p>\n

This is where the concept of parallel parenting comes in. In a parallel parenting regime, each parent carries out his or her responsibilities and assumes his or her rights without having to consult with, inform or engage in any way with the other parent. No dialogue, no negotiation. It is as if each parent has \u201csole custody\u201d over specific aspects of the child\u2019s life. Studies have shown that children raised in parallel parenting models appear to adjust just as well as those raised in cooperative parenting models.<\/p>\n

The parenting coordinator becomes the interface between the parents.\u00a0 This is not to say that cooperative parenting is no longer a goal;\u00a0 rather its a goal that perhaps should be tabled for a while until parties learn to parallel parent effectively first.<\/p>\n

As I often remind remind parents, it is not the \u201cdivorce\u201d that will hurt the kids, its\u00a0 how you divorce.<\/p>\n

I need to be able to love Mom and Dad<\/em><\/p>\n

To choose one or the other makes me sad.<\/em><\/p>\n

When parents fight with all their might,<\/em><\/p>\n

For the child, it\u2019s just not right.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

(What\u2019s My Job? By Mary R. Donahue Ph.D. & Gail Thornburgh Ph.D.)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a PC it is tempting to believe that, if I just try hard enough, I can change the way parents interact when it comes to their children. I\u2019ve tried it often enough.<\/p>\n

First, I explain to parents the negative impact of their behaviour on the kids, and work with them to develop a more cooperative way of interacting. I would fall into the trap of thinking that, with all my skill, wisdom and experience, I could get the parents to cooperate with each other.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[60,974],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.riverdalemediation.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3572"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.riverdalemediation.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.riverdalemediation.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.riverdalemediation.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.riverdalemediation.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3572"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.riverdalemediation.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3572\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.riverdalemediation.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3572"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.riverdalemediation.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3572"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.riverdalemediation.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3572"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}