Children have an especially difficult time with divorce. At times, parents neglect to consider the ramifications of the effects of the divorce or separation on their children. Understanding how children will be affected by the divorce and the resulting parental relationships is an important component to helping minimize the emotional turmoil of divorce for children.
One key area in a child’s life where we often see the “fallout” of divorce is in school. In my experiences as a school principal and currently as an Educational Consultant, I routinely experience the negative impact of divorce on children and adolescents. Teachers are most often the first professionals to notice changes in a child’s demeanour, work habits, learning skills and general engagement in school life. Sometimes we notice considerable behavioural changes long before a parent informs the school of the change in family dynamics. It is not uncommon to observe a student become more disorganized, distractible, tired, irritable, sad, or withdrawn. Academics can become negatively impacted, as well as the initiative to seek help from trusted teachers. Adolescents, in particular, can demonstrate avoidance and are more reluctance to talk to teachers or principals about changes in their families.
Some parents choose not to inform the school about their separation or divorce. There are many relevant reasons why they choose not share this pertinent information. For some parents, the lack of financial and community resources prevent them from seeking legal advice, and they make their own arrangements for custody and access. Other parents feel embarrassed to tell the school principal or teacher. The diverse cultural community in most schools impacts how open parents are to allow school personnel to support students going through difficult family times. In many cultures, women are left to provide for their children, sometimes without any financial or emotional support from fathers. Their culture informs them to keep family issues private, and this belief is passed on to their children.
Once a principal is informed that parents are separated, they are then able to access a variety of supports for the parents and children not only within the school, but in the community. It is not uncommon for principals, along with school social workers, to assist in directing parents to appropriate professionals to gain information about the rights of the child when parents separate. The Office of the Children’s Lawyer in Ontario can be very helpful. Principals are also able to provide translators so parents are better able to navigate often confusing information.
Children, no matter what their age, are almost always impacted academically, emotionally, socially and sometimes physically when parents separate. Without a confidential, collaborative approach between parents, schools and professionals, many students will not have their complex needs addressed.
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