Many people call our office experiencing many emotions. Some are confused, hurt, or angry, while others want to work through their differences and reconcile with their partner. A question we often hear is, “If my (former) partner wants to reconcile with me, should we even be coming to mediation?”
The answer is not a simple one.
In order to effectively separate or reconcile both parties need to be on the same page. It is common for one or both parties to have conflicted feelings about their relationship and the decisions they made. This is normal and expected as your relationship begins to change. When a couple begins mediation they need to discuss what their joint goals are; is reconciliation one of them? If it is, the mediation should adjourn so that the parties can attend counseling together. If only one person wants to discuss reconciliation, the issue cannot be mediated.
By the time most people call a mediator, they have already agreed to separate. Many have been to counseling already and feel that they have done all they can to try to salvage the relationship. They are usually ready to move forward in their lives.
Even so, it is not uncommon for one or both to want to keep the “door open” to a possible reconciliation down the road. Although mediation is not couples counselling, the process tends to build the good will, patience, understanding and personal affection that is required to rebuild a broken relationship.
It is rare that parties entering mediation exit the process as a couple again. But it does happen, sometimes when the parties themselves least expect it. Mediation is a fluid and powerful process that can produce unexpected outcomes.
