My spouse wants to mediate. I’d rather take him to court, because I feel that most of our property and custody of our kids should be rightfully mine. What’s the solution?
The solution depends on what you really want. If you want a process that determines your legal rights and obligations, and if you have the emotional ability to withstand an adversarial process and the financial ability to pay for it, go to court. But be prepared: your expectations may be unrealistic and you may come out the other end more angry and resentful than you were going in.
If you are willing to participate in a process that de-escalates rather than aggravates conflict and focuses on what each spouse and the children need in addition to legal rights and obligations, you may want to consider mediation.
Mediation is a process that allows each of you to make informed decisions in a fair and balanced way. It allows you to explain to each other why you want what you want; you may surprise yourselves and reach an agreement easily. Research shows that parents who negotiate parenting plans in mediation, generally, experience less conflict parenting their children than those who go to court.
But this will only sound good to you if your goals include reducing conflict and reaching an agreement with your spouse. If your goal is something else, mediation may offend your sense of entitlement.
Mediation requires an ability to put aside your “positions”, work hard on finding solutions that you both consider to bed fair and in the best interests of your children; and it requires you to “go easy” on each other while you do so. Do you think you can do this?
If you are determined to “win” at any cost, or if you are unwilling or unable to consider what your spouse wants and needs, mediation may frustrate and anger you more, because it is asking you to do something you cannot do.
Take a hard look at your own willingness and capacity to put aside your fear and anger, and consider seriously what kind of outcome you really want, before making your decision.
